Unresolved Farewell
Papaya Durian
The unpredictability of life is something I live for — it’s what makes things meaningful. An overseas opportunity to intern alone in Norway? Sure. A fast-paced job where I’m unsure how long I’ll last? Let’s go cautiously. Because the future is unclear, my present self finds more hope and anticipation for what’s to come, breaking away from the rhythm of routine.
But recently, I’ve been caught conflicted by this unpredictability. I met someone from across the globe a year ago who made me nervous, excited, and curious to know her better. We parted ways, then reconnected, and all the while I felt both grateful and unsettled. For once, the uncertainty didn’t feel purely liberating — it felt heavy, because I couldn’t know if this chapter would continue or close for good. We enjoyed keeping in touch and catching up, but we both understood that in some ways we were holding each other back from moving on.
Logistically, neither of us is certain about what comes next. And we haven’t known each other long enough to take that leap of faith toward one another. Or maybe, deep down, we know that while we share many values and ideals, compatibility may not be there. The what ifs are endless.
We wanted it all — to move on, but also to stay connected. In an ideal world, maybe that’s possible. But the complexity of human emotions says otherwise. Feelings interfere, progress stalls, and we find ourselves at a stalemate again.
At this junction, there may never be resolution. But from this year of knowing each other, I will always cherish the memories and experiences. I don’t know where this will lead, and perhaps that’s the beauty of unpredictability. I’ve always said that I hope our paths cross again when we’re older — so we can share our lives and look back on this time as something precious.
Regardless, thank you for the memories. If this is our farewell, I will slowly make peace with it, remembering the walks and conversations.
Wishing you the very, very best, N. And may you always keep that spark alive :)
