The Second Arrow of Suffering
Don’t suffer Twice
The parable of the second arrow is a well-known Buddhist story about dealing with suffering more skilfully. It is said the Buddha once asked a student,
‘If a person is struck by an arrow, is it painful? If the person is struck by a second arrow, is it even more painful?’
The Buddha then went on to explain,
‘In life, we can’t always control the first arrow. However, the second arrow is our reaction to the first. This second arrow is optional.’
We all often had those bad days, where we are upset or disappointed over certain events. Perhaps it is a breakup. Or maybe you messed up your examinations. We desperately wished that we can turn time back and turn things around.
If only
If only life unfolds in the way we want it to.
The notion that things can be different, things being right is tempting and desired by us. And this reaction to a bad event creates a second suffering, a second arrow. You are already wounded by the event. The break-up happened. You lost your job. This is the first arrow, and that’s the pain.
The second arrow is our reaction to the bad event. It refers to the suffering after the event. It is how we choose to respond emotionally and mentally. Are we going to stay in despair and wonder all the what-ifs?
“Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional”
It is impossible to prevent the first arrow unless you can look well into the future. Sure, we can do our best to prevent it but the first arrow often hits when you least expect it to.
However, what we can do is to prevent the second arrow, to prevent the unnecessary suffering after the unfortunate event. Realistically, it is impossible for us to simply say, “Oh well. It happened. Let’s just move on.”
I think most of us will feel the second arrow. We will complain and lament why things happen the way they did. And I think that’s fine.
Spend a moment being mad at yourself, and beat yourself over your own mistakes. But don’t prolong the pain. Don’t let the wound of the first arrow rot. Apply the salt and wrap it quickly.
It is never a mistake, just an expensive present.
Am I still dealing with the first arrow of suffering, or have I well and truly moved into the second one?
